Led by the Spirit of God Through a Divorce

We must not forget God is with us when He’s getting us out of a marriage. This may seem confusing, but remember: if God is FOR the marriage, He will lead you INTO it; if God is FOR the divorce, He will lead you OUT of the marriage. If God is against a marriage or a divorce, He will lead you away from it. In all situations, He will lead you to Himself so you can find His heart on the matter if you seek Him.

Being led by the Spirit of God through a divorce is crucial. There are many steps the Lord will take a spouse through as He leads them through a divorce. Maybe it’s praying to know the right timing of the divorce itself. Maybe it’s deciding which spouse will actually do the divorcing or who will physically stay in the house and who will leave. We need to pray with right motives. We need to have forgiveness in our heart toward our spouse. We need daily direction from God for all those major decisions both before and after the final separation. Most importantly, we need to receive the deep work that God wants to do in our own heart so we don’t repeat old sins and mistakes but become changed more and more into His likeness.

God wants to direct ALL of our life. For “in ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct [ALL] your paths” (Proverbs 3:6).

Being led by the Spirit of God through a divorce will leave us free and at peace. When we go through a divorce being led by what is called “the flesh,” we will not be at peace or rest.

On the contrary, we may be legally divorced but we will still be bound by unforgiveness, resentment, anger and blame. As the Spirit of God leads us out of the marriage, He will lead us to “...bless those who curse you, [and to] do good to those who hate you, and [to] pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). As we willfully do these actions our heart will be transformed, enabling us to walk in love for those who hate the very ground we walk on.

Being led out of the marriage by the flesh (which is bitterness, resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and other wrong attitudes and motives) will cause our heart to change also. The change will not be for the better, but for the worse. The difference between those who have gone through traumatic emotional situations whose hearts are now healed and those whose hearts aren’t, is that the one who is healed worked through their pain with God. The one who is not healed did not work through their pain even though they may know God personally. That is the reason some people will not take peace and a changed heart to their new marriage. The prime reason we don’t work through the pain of those damaged areas of our heart is because the road to healing and wholeness seems to hurt more than the traumatic incident(s) we experienced. If we will not allow the time, exercise courage with focused determination to press on to wholeness despite the pain we feel, the next marriage will end in divorce or fall far short of the happiness and joy that a marriage can bring. We must allow God to do His full work in our heart no matter how long it takes or how much it hurts. Then we will find ourselves gradually rejoicing in the ongoing change that God is secretly doing inside.


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.