The Breaking of a Tie; Becoming One Instead of Two

There is a traumatic effect when an intimate relationship is broken. It is one of the most painful experiences one may endure. That intimate “connecting” goes to the very depths of one’s heart and soul. When there is a “tearing”, it can greatly disrupt the entire life of a person.

The Bible says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were FRAMED by the Word of God…” (Hebrews 11:3). When something is “framed”, like a picture, it is “put together” and made complete. The framed picture becomes something different from the pieces that make it up. It becomes something new. The framed picture is now the whole, while the photo, the wood, glue and nails have lost their own identity as separate pieces. As we look closer at the picture frame, we see connections or “bridges” between the four corner joints. In a relationship, these bridges are called “soul-ties”. They tie the husband and wife together. No longer are they identified as individuals, but “...the TWO shall become ONE…” (Ephesians 5:31). They have become something new, a family.

There are countless relationships that have been “legally” broken where one spouse can’t help being drawn back to the other spouse. That’s because their souls are still tied to their former spouse or lover. Another situation is where a spouse is unable to give himself or herself fully to the other. The problem is a “scattered soul”. Both of these situations are caused from soul-ties that have never been broken. Even though a soul-tie that existed by law was broken when the marriage certificate was cancelled as a result of a certificate of divorce, there still must be a breaking or separating of the soul and spirit.

For the sake of discussion, the terms, “soul-tie”, “double-minded”, “scattered soul” and “divided soul” will be used interchangeably.

A “double-minded” person is a person with a divided soul (See James 1:8). When one’s soul is divided, “...let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord” (James 1:7). We can give and give and give into our marriage but it seems as though we get very little in return. HAVING A SCATTERED, DIVIDED SOUL, AFFECTS OUR RECEIVING, NOT OUR GIVING. “For let not that man suppose that he will RECEIVE anything…” (James 1:7). When our soul is divided, it affects our receiving, not our giving. We may wonder why we can’t receive the love and affection from our spouse that we so desperately need. They tell us that they love us, but somehow it’s not getting through to us. We then conclude, because of our inability to receive, that our spouse is not really “giving” us the affection we need. Untold marriages have unnecessarily failed because of this very reason.

We can see how this seriously affects our trust for the other person. They say they love us, but because we are unable to receive that love, we unconsciously deem them untrustworthy because we are not receiving what they say they are giving. You can see how a person who is double-minded has relationship problems, including their relationship with God.

The Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ASK of God, who gives…” (James 1:5). Because we can’t receive what we ask for, we believe that it has never been given, when in fact, it has. So our receiving or rather our inability to receive is based on our soul being tied to someone. In other words, we receive from the person with whom we have soul-ties. A soul-tie is a connection of the heart (See Hebrews 4:12). There are good soul-ties and bad soul-ties. There are soul-ties that produce life in us, and there are soul-ties that produce death in us. God wants us to break the soul-ties that produce death.

Breaking Free

A scattered soul will actually keep us from giving ourselves fully to our mate. If someone has three sexual relations including the relation with their current husband or wife, that would mean that 66% of the person’s heart is tied to someone else. Of course, this is not a direct mathematical equation, but you get my point. The person can’t give 100% of themselves to the other person because they don’t have 100% to give, only 33%. This heart deficiency continues until the soul-ties are broken, and that part of our heart reclaimed. Breaking these soul-ties with the person you’re being divorced from is necessary to be truly free. Breaking the soul-ties of those old relationships can actually save your marriage. Now you are able to freely love your mate with ALL of your heart.

Having a divided soul has primarily two deep-rooted negative effects in relationships. First, it hinders our ability to receive. In other words, the affection that is being given to us does not appear to reach our heart. Second, the capacity in which you can give is limited. Even though we give all our heart, we have only a portion to give. You can only give what’s yours to give. A divided soul does not affect your giving, but it does affect HOW MUCH you have to give.

How are soul-ties formed, and how do we break them? Soul-ties are formed many different ways, and these are just a few of them: by willing or forced sexual relations (See Matthew 19:5, 6, Genesis 24:67, 1Corinthians 6:16), by speaking words of commitment — vows: “I will always love you,” “I will never forget,” “I will always hate you,” becoming soul brothers with someone (See 1Samuel 18:1), by receiving a ring (or item) from someone that represents a covenant agreement. And what I consider to be the most devious method of all is when you are given an item from a friend or relative that has great sentimental value but is, literally, death. (Such items that have been used in witchcraft or the occult.) These kinds of soul-ties are ties to curses. Of course, there are also soul-ties to blessings, but these are not our discussion.

When someone says to us, “This piece of jewelry has been passed down from your great, great Aunt Millie, and I want you to have it”, BEWARE! The devil knows that people (especially females) are sentimental people. If the devil can pass on something that has been used for his purpose, he knows we won’t throw it away and the curse will continue. When there is sentimental value on something, it blinds our eyes (for good or bad) so we will not receive anything bad about that person. Of course, the devil knows that, for it’s one of his schemes to keep us tied to the wrong people, or have bad things happen in our life.

All soul-ties aren’t bad and some are essential. We want our souls fully tied to Christ. We renew and strengthen that tie by communion and walking by His Spirit. We want to be “one mind” with the Lord (See 1Corinthians 2:16, Philippians 4:2). We also want and need this oneness with our mate, being “...no longer two but ONE...” (Matthew 19:6).

Breaking soul-ties and curses is done from the heart, with the mouth, and with the blood and name of Jesus (See Romans 10:9-10, Revelation 12:11). Be sure your heart is clean before breaking soul-ties and curses. If it’s not, ask the Lord Jesus to forgive you and the other person of those specific sins: such as the sin of willingly having sex with someone when it was wrong.

If you have a piece of jewelry or something from that person, hold it and speak over it, “I break and renounce all covenants and relationships that were sealed by this item (name the item) that they gave me, and now I reclaim and surrender these parts of my life to Your Lordship, dear Jesus.” Now, get rid of the item. The Lord spoke to the heart of someone I know concerning this matter. He said, “Break it. If it won’t break, burn it, and if it won’t burn, bury it!” These Scriptures bear this truth out (See Deuteronomy 7:4, 5, 25, 26 and Isaiah 2:17-21).


There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.