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Failure as a Husband - Marriage and Divorce

The husband has a vital role in producing unity in the marriage relationship. If he fails in doing his part in the marriage, divorce is likely. Relationship in marriage and divorce primarily lie in the hands of the husband.

Relationship in Marriage

When a man and a woman go through a marriage ceremony, God places upon them a debt they must pay. The debt is to “owe no one anything EXCEPT to love [each other]…” (Romans 13:8). A major part of this lack of love in the family is because of the man’s failure as a husband. The husband has a vital role in producing love, which is God’s nature, in a family. Because “...the husband is head of the wife, AS ALSO Christ is head of the church…” (Ephesians 5:23), a great responsibility is placed upon him by God to lay down his life for his family.

As I was walking, seeking God late one night, He revealed to me that the continual flow of love that’s needed between a husband and wife starts with the husband. Let me explain. The number one need of a man is companionship: having his wife as his playmate in those things that interest HIM and give HIM relaxation and pleasure. But that is NOT the number one need of a woman. The number one need of a woman is affection. Because the number one needs are different for a man and a woman, it presents a problem. That is, if a husband naturally expresses himself to his wife, he will overlook her needs to fulfill his own. And if a wife naturally expresses herself to her husband, she will overlook his needs to fulfill her own. A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED UPON SOMEONE GIVING UP HIS/HER NUMBER ONE NEED TO SATISFY THE NEED OF THE OTHER.

God said to me, “Son, My Son gave up His number one need for His bride, the Church.” Then God quoted this Scripture to me: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER” (Ephesians 5:25). I then understood that until Jesus’ death, He did not seek to have His wife the Church to be a companion or to bring Him comfort. He gave up His own need of companionship. Instead, He poured His life into His bride, the Church.

The reason Jesus did this is so “THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY AND CLEANSE HER ...THAT HE MIGHT PRESENT HER TO HIMSELF A GLORIOUS CHURCH [WIFE], not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. SO HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR OWN WIVES…” (Ephesians 5:26-28).

It follows that a husband is to lay aside his main need, choosing to continually meet the primary need of his wife by pouring his life into her. She, in turn, becomes the companion that the husband so desperately needs. The seed to the husband’s own need for companionship is found in the very affection he gives to his wife. This affection “seed” goes deep into the womb of his wife’s heart, germinates, and companionship is birthed toward her husband. This is the cycle of unity or oneness in a family. The husband lays aside his need for companionship and meets his wife’s need for affection. After his wife becomes pregnant with companionship from the seed of affection, she in turn becomes that loving friend the husband so desperately needs. If there is no unity or oneness in a marriage, this cycle is broken. The wife by herself is unable to produce out of herself the companionship for her husband unless there is already a common interest. The source of unity in the family flows out of the wife’s heart. However, she alone is unable to bring unity to her family no matter how hard she tries. The husband himself cannot birth unity because he only carries the seed. HENCE, THE HUSBAND MUST FIRST PLANT THE SEED OF AFFECTION IN HIS WIFE’S HEART, THEN UNITY WILL FLOW OUT AND THEY WILL BECOME ONE.

When the husband is pouring affection into his wife’s heart, she in turn becomes his companion and friend. As this is combined with an intimate sexual relationship, the marriage will be one of the most fulfilling and satisfying experiences of life. “Let the husband RENDER to his wife THE AFFECTION DUE her [Notice this happens first!], and likewise, also the wife to her husband.... " (1Corinthians 7:3-5).

There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.


Note: If you have come to this web site looking for christian divorce advice or need marriage or divorce counseling, go to our Marriage And Divorce Sources Of Help page or/and our Book Excerpts pages. We have provided you with a number of very helpful links for marriage and divorce advice, marriage and divorce counseling as well as valuable information for your critical situation.

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2. Divorced Christians Who Married Again Are NOT In Adultery!

3. The Marriage Institution And The Surgery Of Divorce.

4. God Never Said, "I Hate Divorce," But Rather "Putting Away"!

5. It's The Motive Behind Divorce That Makes It Sin.

6. Christian Husband Wife Submission

7. Does God Hate A Bad Marriage?

8. Adultery, Grounds for Divorce? Not Always.

9. Divorce And Remarriage, Staying In A Marriage For The Wrong Reasons.

10. Marriage Abuse, Divorce Grounds

11. Can Divorced Christians Remarry? Absolutely!

12. Biblical Divorce & Biblical Remarriage.

13. Christian Divorce Facts for a Bad Marriage.

14. Breaking Soul Ties Can Save Your Marriage Or Relationship.

15. Pregnant, Child Out of Wedlock And Mistake Pregnancy.

16. A Godly Christian Right to Divorce.

17. Christian Godly Submission In Marriage.

18. Divorce and Remarriage Has ALWAYS Been God's Heart.

19. Verbal Abuse In A Marriage Or Relationship.

20. Widowhood Is Being Single After A Divorce.

21. Failure As Husband - Marriage and Divorce.

22. Marriage and Love Relationship: A Complete Marriage

23. Interracial Marriage Relationships--Intercultural Marriage.

24. God's Peace and Grace for Divorce.

25. Led by the Spirit of God Through a Divorce

26. What "God" Has Joined Together.

27. Let No Man Put Asunder (Pull Apart), But God Can.

28. Misunderstanding of a Marriage Separation Verses a Divorce.

29. Bible Teaching Archives.

30. Free eBook of Divorce: God's Will? Excerpts.

31. Helping a Friend Through a Divorce