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Verbal Abuse In A Marriage and Relationship.

Verbal abuse in any marriage or relationship is very destructive. It is designed to destroy the relationship! If it is not corrected, the marriage will be no more. Therefore, if a spouse is unyielding to correct the abuse, it is better to end the marriage while you can still start again. Otherwise, it will end in disaster anyway.

Verbal Abuse

I am not going to discuss physical or sexual abuse because there are many good books written on the subject already. I’d rather expose the other two types of abuse that are rarely ever mentioned.

A person can be so verbally abused that they don’t know what’s true anymore. This abuse is designed to put a person in a numb state so they are unable to make clear, concise decisions. The path of verbal abuse leads a person from what they know as truth into a confused state. This confused state arises because the abuser consistently interjects lies as truth until the abused no longer knows what to believe. For example, we can see this happen when the abuser uses truths from the Bible to justify a lie, or the abuser twists the Bible’s true intent to satisfy his own selfish motive. The sad part comes when the abused embraces the lies from the abuser as truth, thereby disregarding the real truth. At this point the abused feels like they are in chains of bondage with no way out. A trusted godly person is like a life preserver to the abused at this point. For “the mouth of the righteous is a well of life” (Proverbs 10:11a).

There are three very important factors in verbal abuse. They are deception, confusion and reality or truth. We go through these steps during our lives until our belief system is built on a firm foundation of truth. The verbally abused spend most of their lives without a foundation of truth in their hearts and minds, but are in continual deception and confusion.

Confusion is a path — a means to reality (truth). Confusion is good ONLY when leaving deception and entering into reality (truth). When the Scripture says, “...God is not the author of confusion...” (1Corinthians 14:33), it is saying that GOD DOES NOT GIVE BOTH TRUTH AND A LIE TO DECIDE FROM. HE IS TRUTH!

The three factors are:


You think you understand, and believe you know the truth, when in fact you have embraced a lie as truth. Remember, THE POWER OF DECEPTION IS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE DECEIVED.


You have opened your heart to receive new understanding, which now conflicts with what you believed to be true. You’re no longer sure. The “previously held” belief or knowledge may not be true in light of the new belief. TWO OPPOSING THOUGHTS APPEARING TO BE TRUE IS CONFUSION.

Reality (Truth):

We understand which is truly REAL and which is the counterfeit or false, then make the decision to embrace the truth; we leave confusion and enter into reality (truth). TRUTH IS ALWAYS ABSOLUTE. IT DOES NOT CHANGE IN THE PRESENCE OF “NEW TRUTH.”

If someone is “ignorant” instead of deceived, that is, they hold no knowledge or belief one way or another, they go from “ignorance to reality” without passing through any confusion. This is because the decision to choose between a lie and truth does not have to be made. A lie and truth are not always present at the same time to choose from.

The opposite often happens to people concerning their relationship with the true God. Instead of progressing from deception or being ignorant to truth, they digressed by exchanging the truth that they knew for a lie, and went back into deception — darkness. “Because they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. WHO EXCHANGED THE TRUTH OF GOD FOR A LIE ...they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, [so] God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting...” (Romans 1:21,25,28). We must retain the truth of God in our hearts, which is the ONLY truth; otherwise we are dead while we live.

More information on Physical, Sexual, Verbal & Spiritual Abuse in Marriage.

There are many critical keys in this book regarding divorce, remarriage, submission, interracial marriage and relationships. Click on Divorce: God's Will? to order.


Divorce Hope
Port Carbon, PA 17965 U.S.A.

Copyright © 1992 - 2024 by:
Stephen Gola, DivorceHope.com & DivorceHope. All rights reserved.



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2. Divorced Christians Who Married Again Are NOT In Adultery!

3. The Marriage Institution And The Surgery Of Divorce.

4. God Never Said, "I Hate Divorce," But Rather "Putting Away"!

5. It's The Motive Behind Divorce That Makes It Sin.

6. Christian Husband Wife Submission

7. Does God Hate A Bad Marriage?

8. Adultery, Grounds for Divorce? Not Always.

9. Divorce And Remarriage, Staying In A Marriage For The Wrong Reasons.

10. Marriage Abuse, Divorce Grounds

11. Can Divorced Christians Remarry? Absolutely!

12. Biblical Divorce & Biblical Remarriage.

13. Christian Divorce Facts for a Bad Marriage.

14. Breaking Soul Ties Can Save Your Marriage Or Relationship.

15. Pregnant, Child Out of Wedlock And Mistake Pregnancy.

16. A Godly Christian Right to Divorce.

17. Christian Godly Submission In Marriage.

18. Divorce and Remarriage Has ALWAYS Been God's Heart.

19. Verbal Abuse In A Marriage Or Relationship.

20. Widowhood Is Being Single After A Divorce.

21. Failure As Husband - Marriage and Divorce.

22. Marriage and Love Relationship: A Complete Marriage

23. Interracial Marriage Relationships--Intercultural Marriage.

24. God's Peace and Grace for Divorce.

25. Led by the Spirit of God Through a Divorce

26. What "God" Has Joined Together.

27. Let No Man Put Asunder (Pull Apart), But God Can.

28. Misunderstanding of a Marriage Separation Verses a Divorce.

29. Bible Teaching Archives.

30. Free eBook of Divorce: God's Will? Excerpts.

31. Helping a Friend Through a Divorce